In short
- Ask the person first, in private, and let them decide whether, when and what.
- Plan short conversations in a calm window, not one long interview.
- Choose a familiar relative to ask the questions, with the crew in the background.
- Share a few topics beforehand, never a script, and stop whenever they wish.
The kindest way to record an older relative’s stories is to ask them first, keep each conversation short, and let a familiar person ask the questions. The gathering is the setting, not the pressure.
Should you ask the person first?
Yes, and in private, before the day. Explain what you would like to do, who will be there and where it would happen. Make clear that “not today” is a perfectly good answer.
Some people love to talk about the past. Others prefer to listen. Neither choice needs an explanation. If they agree, let them choose the topics they enjoy and the ones they would rather leave out.
When in the day does a conversation fit?
Pick a calm window rather than the busiest hour. Before the meal, or after the main programme when the room has settled, usually works better than during speeches or games.
Plan one short conversation, then see how it feels. If the person is happy to continue, add another. If not, you have still kept something valuable. Our guide to filming around children and older relatives shows how to fit this into the wider timetable.
Who should ask the questions?
A family member is usually the right choice. A grandchild or son or daughter has a natural way of asking, and the person answers someone they trust. The crew films from a short distance, with a small, quiet setup.
Agree on a signal so the person or the interviewer can pause at any time. Then nobody feels trapped.
What can you ask?
Choose open, easy questions that invite a story instead of a fact. Here are example prompts, which you can change to suit your family:
- What do you remember about the house or kampung you grew up in?
- How did you meet your husband or wife?
- What was your first job, and what did you learn from it?
- Is there a recipe, a song or a saying you would like the family to keep?
- What would you like the grandchildren to know?
Share two or three topics beforehand, not a full list. A script makes people feel tested. If the conversation drifts somewhere unexpected, let it.
How should the space be set up?
A comfortable seat, water nearby and a quiet spot matter more than any equipment. Keep the room free of loud music and heavy foot traffic. Clear sound is what makes a spoken memory worth keeping, so tell us about the venue early. Our audio planning guide explains how we think about speech recording.
Place the camera at eye level so the person is not looking up or down. Allow breaks, and stop when the person looks tired.
Which finished videos can you keep?
Common choices are the full conversation, kept uncut, and a short version that can be shared with the wider family. A transcript or captions can help younger relatives follow a dialect or a language they are still learning. These are available on request, confirmed for each event. See full ceremony and speech recording for how we keep a spoken session complete.
Decide beforehand who can receive each version. A private family copy and a version for relatives who live abroad do not have to be the same file. The private and public video version planner helps you list them.
What can you do before you enquire?
Write down the one or two people you would like to hear from, three topics for each, and a quiet window in the programme. The must-capture moments checklist is a good place to keep it.
If the gathering is a birthday or another milestone, see birthday and milestone celebration videography for how the wider day is filmed.
If you tell us who you would like to hear from and how long the gathering runs, we can suggest where a short conversation fits and who should ask the questions. Send the date and venue and we will check what is possible.
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